forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize