True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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