You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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