I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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