I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
