I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
