Your tits are I can't wait for
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
