the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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