Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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