it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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