i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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