he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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