So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize