we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
