when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
