hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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