totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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