I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize