sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
