Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
