names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
