I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
