We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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