Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
