I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A+ Viking dick
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