wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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