She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
