I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
