she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
