I got chris browned last night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
