I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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