I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
