I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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