Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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