Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
