im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
