Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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