You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I won the penis lottery.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
