Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
