judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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