JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
