So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fuck appropriateness.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
