This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
honey bunches of taint.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
