You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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