Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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