There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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