just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
