Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
