I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
