Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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