So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
