So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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