I wanna passion pit in your ass
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
