so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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