We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
