Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's intense
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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