Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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