I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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