We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
