So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
