it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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