Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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