just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
