Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
