I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
