The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well I just put wine in my tea
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
