dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
