The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize