im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Porn is love you can see.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
