Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
