The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Are we still banned from the library?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
