oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
