Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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