I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
