did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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