Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
