nut hugger
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
